It strikes when we least expect it and we are forced to learn how to live our daily lives without someone who was close to us. We learn to figure out a new tune to life and find hope in new places.
Grief is something that can be all consuming if it’s not properly understood. We can’t hide from it and at some point or another everyone has to deal with it (some more than others).
Here are 5 things you didn’t expect during the grieving process:
1. It Hurts Long After They’re gone
You’ve lost a loved one or friend, maybe even both. Nothing prepares you for the pain after the fact. A year, 2 years, 5 years, a lifetime after it happens.
The initial pain and shock of hearing someone you cared about has died or witnessing it. As time goes by it may seem alright for a little while. You’ve got it figured out and read all the life quotes and bible verses to aid in the pain.
Somehow years later the wound still feels fresh. Perhaps from some dream, a smell that reminds you of them, or their favorite song. These reminders tell us that they were once here. They used to laugh and talk with us.
Don’t forget those moments. Hold on to them with all you’ve got. Change something painful into something totally beautiful. Laugh while you reminisce and be thankful for their presence.
2. Nothing is The Same
Absolutely nothing at all. Celebrations and day to day life won’t ever be the same and that’s okay. Life isn’t supposed to be the same, you’re supposed to grow, change and understand life during the grieving process.
Maybe you get the urge to text or call the person that has passed on. You could be driving down the street passed their favorite restaurant or going by their house.
Life feels just a little bit different, doesn’t it?
Like something is off. How can one person tilt the way your life feels so much?
It’s okay. Breathe. Take this time to find new beginnings. Don’t be afraid to move on without them. They don’t want you to sit here staying stagnant while life keeps going. Embrace this change, accept it and try your best to move on.
3. You’ll Be Mad
This is one of the steps of the grieving process. For some, this cycle lasts for years and for others they can maneuver through the process quicker.
Anger. It’s healthy as long as you know how to handle it. Don’t settle your emotions here. You’re mad they left you. Maybe you’re mad you didn’t get to say or do the things you wanted. You’re mad they are gone a little bit too soon. As if any amount of time could be long enough to be with someone you love?
Be mad. Scream. Cry. Pout. Whatever you need to do let it out. After that pull yourself together and think of happy times. Life and death go hand in hand. Death is part of the cycle of life.
You weren’t prepared for how angry you’d feel but don’t let that emotion or state of being, rob you of happiness and growth.
4. The World Goes On
This is obvious, right? For someone that has lost a loved one, it may feel like you’re suspended. Stopped in mid-air and don’t know how to go on. Like that very day plagues you.
You have to move on.
Plain and simple.
Write, talk about it, cry about it, laugh about the memories and go on. Live your life as if they are watching you. Make that person proud of you. Surely if they were here they’d want you to move on.
The rest of the world continues as normal. You should too.
5. You, Will, Think About Them Every Day
Some days will go better than others. Some days you’ll laugh and some you’ll cry.
It’s all healthy and necessary.
It’s not bad to think about them every day. It’s not bad to remember good memories and cry when you miss them. Some people would tell you to forget but don’t. It will make this process last longer than it needs to.
One day you’ll wake up knowing they’re gone, but it will be okay. Because you still remember them. And you’ve gotten to the point where you can talk about them, and think about them without being sad.
Sadness leaves because you realize and understand that this is part of life. Everything is in the creator’s control and you understand that now.